Henry's Songbook

Chorus:
When the nukes come raining down it's great to be alive
World War Three could be such fun, protect and survive
Protect and survive

The government's made a document to help prevent embarrassment
In the event of an accident catching us with our trousers down
It's no good to you when you're dead, far less when you're alive
The name of this piece of paper is 'Protect and Survive'

A nuclear strike can be recognized, it will stand out in a crowd
There's a flash, a bang, a blast of heat and a great big mushroom cloud
So if you happen to notice one at the end of your street
Please pick up your telephone and inform your local police

Put sticky-tape on your windows, block your ears, close your eyes
It won't make any difference, there's no time to watch yourself fry
If you find yourself in a target zone and you haven't got a shelter
Take a spade into the garden and dig like merry hell, sir

When Armageddon gets under way and the rockets are pouring down
The politicians who started it will all hide underground
And when they finally re-emerge with no life to be found
They can administrate to the rubble and order each other around

They give us a four minute warning when the rockets are on their way
To give us time to panic and Christians time to pray
So when you hear the sirens go put your head between your thighs
While straining in this posture you can make one final gesture
With a little muscular pressure you can kiss your arse goodbye

(as sung by Iain MacKintosh)

[1998:] Documents obtained by The Observer show that, while officials dismissed CND forecasts [of the effects of a Soviet nuclear strike] as alarmist - and were publishing advice that was bland and sometimes inane - they accepted that an attack would devastate every corner of the land.

The Cold War is over, but the shadow persists. On 25 January, 1995, a United States scientific rocket launched from Norway triggered a nuclear warning in Russia, leading to panic and the activation - for the first time in the nuclear era - of the 'nuclear suitcases' carried by top Russian leaders. Thousands of Russian nuclear missiles targeted at Britain and the US came within four minutes of being launched. [...] But no one in authority ever alerted British citizens how precisely they were being targeted by Moscow. In fact, scenarios painted by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament [...] were routinely rubbished. Newly declassified 'top secret' Ministry of Defence documents obtained by the Observer reveal that the Government's estimation of the death and destruction from a nuclear attack was far worse than CND's scenario. The MoD calculated that 43 million people in Britain - about 80 per cent of the population - would die or be severely injured. (Cal McCrystal, Andrew Higgins, Arnold Kemp, Observer, 10 May)