(Benny Gallagher / Graham Lyle)
No dogs, no cats and wipe your feet on the mat
No blacks, no blues, the rent is due
Three weeks in advance put it in her hands
If you want to stay at Mrs. Canatelli's
No girls, no men, the doors are locked right on ten
You can't conceive, she believes
Holy water feeds all your naughty needs
Giving liberty at Mrs. Canatelli's
She starts her day with every prayer she can say
Her tea and toast are sanctified
By the Holy Ghost, every lodger knows
Heaven is that close at Mrs. Canatelli's
Repeat 1
(as sung by Iain MacKintosh)