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Let's Do It

  • (Victoria Wood)

    Freda and Barry sat one night
    The sky was clear, the stars were bright
    The wind was soft, the mood was up
    Freda drained her cocoa cup

    She licked her lips, she felt sublime
    She switched off Gardener's Question Time
    Barry cringed in fear and dread
    When Freda grabbed his tie and said

    Let's do it, let's do it, do it while the mood is right
    I'm feeling appealing, I've really got an appetite
    I'm on fire with desire
    I could handle half the tenors in the male voice choir
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    But he said
    I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't believe in too much sex
    This fashion for passion makes me a nervous wreck
    No derision, my decision -
    I'd rather watch McCalmans on the television
    I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

    But she said
    Let's do it, let's do it till our hearts go boom
    Go native, creative, we'll do it in the living room
    It's folly, it's jolly
    Bend me over backwards on the hostess trolley
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    But he said
    I can't do it, I can't do it, my heavy-breathing days are gone
    I'm older, I'm colder, it's other things that turn me on
    Yes, I'm boring, I'm imploring
    I want to read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
    I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

    Then she said
    Come on, let's do it, let's do it, have a crazy night of love
    I'll strip bare, I'll just wear stilettos and an oven glove
    Don't give me no palaver
    Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    But he said
    I can't do it, I can't do it, I know I'll only get it wrong
    No angle for me to dangle, my arms have never been that strong
    Stop shouting, stop pouting
    You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
    I can't do it, can't do it tonight

    But she said
    Let's do it, let's do it, have a night of old romance
    Poetic, frenetic, this could be your last big chance
    Read Milton, eat Stilton
    Roll with gay abandon on a tufted Wilton
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    Then he said
    I can't do it, I can't do it, I've got such a lot of jobs on hand
    Don't grouse around the house, I've got a busy evening planned
    Stop nagging, I'm flagging,
    You know as well as me that the pipes need lagging
    Can't do it, can't do it tonight

    Then she said
    Let's do it, let's do it while I'm really in the mood
    It's years and years since I got you even semi-nude
    Get drastic, gymnastic
    Wear the baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    But he said
    I can't do it, I can't do it, I must refuse to get undressed
    It's chilly, I feel silly to go without my thermal vest
    Don't choose me, don't use me
    Mum sent a note saying you must excuse me
    Can't do it, can't do it tonight

    Then she said
    Let's do it, let's do it, I really absolutely must
    I won't exempt you, I want to tempt you
    I want to drive you mad with lust
    No caution, just contortions
    Smear an avocado on my lower portions
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    Be mighty, be flighty
    Come and melt the buttons on my flame-proof nightie
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    Not meekly, not bleakly
    Beat me on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly
    Let's do it, let's do it tonight

    (as sung by Iain MacKintosh)

Susannes Folksong-Notizen

  • [2000:] Wood's talents lie [...] in singing risqué songs called 'Let's Do It', with immortal lines such as 'Beat me with a copy of the Woman's Weekly'. (Sue Arnold, Observer, 9 Apr)

Quelle: England

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