Directions
- (Words & music Colum Sands)
If you're looking for directions but you know you've lost your way
Perhaps you'll pay attention to these words I have to say
I lost my way to Ballymastrae on a day I`ll never forget
And I had to ask directions from everyone I met
The trouble really staret at a crossroads where I met
A man who staggered out the pub, he was smoking a cigarette
He leaned against my window like a man with time to spare
And through the smoke I heard these words, Ah, you're a stranger here
Do you see that road in front of you that's forking to the right
Whatever you do, don't take that road or you'll drive about all night
No, just you keep on going till you see a pub called Pat's
Go straight around the corner and ask anyone after that
Round the bend I drove myself but I dodn't see a soul
Till I met a man with a bicycle, he was wheeling a bag of coal
His face was red and swollen and his back tyre it was flat
I knew I'd have to ask him - I was lost and that was that
Could you tell me the way to Ballymastrae? He said, Give us the price of a beer
I handed over a couple of quid, I thought the deal was fair
These pickled words of wisdom then he whispered in my ear
If I was going to Ballymastrae I wouldn't start from here
A woman tied to a little dog next heard my appeal
As she leaned on my window as her dog leaned on my wheel
She said, Ballymastrae is a lovely place, sure it's even in a song
But I'm very sad to tell you that you couldn't be further wrong
Because you've come across the river and you really had no call
In fact, you shouldn't have crossed the bridge at all, at all, at all
Her dog had reached my fourth wheel as I put my car in gear
Said I, I'm getting out of here before he finds the spare
Never ask a couple unless you're looking for a fight
One will send you to the left and the other one to the right
I left a pair at loggerheads, and then my blood ran cold
Wheeling round the corner came the man with the bag of coal
Ah, now you're really lost, said he, and there's just yourself to blame
You drove away the minute I started to explain
But I'll tell you now for nothing if you take me and my load
I'll show you where you're going and it won't be off your road
It was half an hour later we reached his granny's lane
And there we left the bag of coal and headed on again
He left me with directions an hour after that
At a petrol pump with a pub attached - and the name of the pub was Pat's
When I reached my destination, I was a broken man
But a lesson I learned that day, I'll share it if I can
If you're going to Ballyshannon, Ballymastrae or Ballylap
If you're going to Bally anywhere, buy a bally map
As sung by Iain MacKintosh
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