Henry's Songbook

The Advertising Game

• Judy Small

Now this is a true story, no I would not lie to you
The only thing I've changed here is the names
It's the story of how contacts can bring you fame and wealth
It's an inning in the advertising game

A friend of mine called Dapper Dave he used to be the voice
The one you hear on wireless and T.V.
That tells you to buy Brand X or that swish new Aussie car
Or the clothes that make you who you want to be

So I made a call myself and soon was at the agent's door
It was a terrace in a trendy part of town
And they put me in a booth with all the headphones and the mikes
And I put some ads and demo pieces down

The chappie said they'd call me when they'd found the ad for me
But it might take a week or two to find the one
Well I didn't hold my breath and it was really just as well
'Cause it was nearly eight months later when they phoned

Well, congratulittlations, said the advertising man
This is Jerry from Golightly, Greed and Gain
We've found the perfect product for such dulcet tones as yours
Would Monday suit you to begin your climb to fame

Would it suit me, I replied, Well does the Pontiff draw a crowd
I'll be there at nine a.m. outside your door
But just before I go, there's one thing I'd like to know
Just what's this little ad exactly for

Aunt Delilah's Diet Scheme will make you gorgeous young and lean
In a week or maybe two your flab will fly
So come and diet with Delilah, on your face we'll put a smile
And you can diet with Delilah till you die

Well when I'd wiped the tears away and picked my jaw up off the floor
I said, Now Jerry, have you ever seen me live
Well no, he said, But what's that got to do with price of eggs
I said, I doubt that Aunt Delilah would approve

You see I weigh a little over ninety kilos and I think
That what those places do to women is a crime
So I'm sorry, Jerry, truly but I'll have to pass on this
Maybe you could think of me another time

Well it's a strange fact but it's true - Jerry hasn't called me since
I guess the right script hasn't come along
So I've all but given up the fame of radio and teev
I'll just have to be content to sing this song

Aunt Delilah's Diet Scheme ...

Susannes Folksong-Notizen

•  [1991:] [This] allows its composer to laugh at herself at the same time she takes on ad agencies and their sometimes smarmy clients. (Maureen Brennan, review Judy Small, 'Snapshot', Dirty Linen 33)